Grief can only exist where love lived first
The past weeks have been filled with emotions as our community comes to terms with the loss of our beloved colleague, John O’Kane. Grief manifests in many ways—through sadness, disbelief, resignation, confusion, and even anger at times. Love and grief are inseparable as grief can only exist where love lived first.
Theologian Henri Nouwen reminds us that “every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering because those we most love bring us not only immense joy but also deep pain. The greatest pain comes from parting... and that pain can tear us apart. Yet, if we seek to avoid the suffering of parting, we will never experience the joy of loving.”
On behalf of John’s family, his friends, past and current students, and my colleagues, I wish to extend our deepest gratitude to the Marist community and the broader education community in Canberra for the overwhelming support, care, and love during this time of profound sadness.
John’s funeral service was a celebration of a life filled with love and the joy of being loved. We expressed our deep gratitude for the many gifts John shared with the world—his passion for teaching, his love of music, literature, film, art, and cooking. Truly, he was a modern-day Renaissance man.
We also honoured John for his integrity, warmth, kindness, and his exceptional gift for hospitality and laughter. The student guard of honour was a moving tribute to the lasting impact John had on the lives of so many young men, whether in the classroom, on the sports fields, or through his many responsibilities as House Dean and Head of English.
I would like to acknowledge the outstanding leadership of Liam Stakelum, our Deputy Headmaster, for his meticulous planning and organisation of the funeral. Our Mission team led by Leesa Callaughan and Nathan Ahearne were exceptional in their role, respectfully guiding John’s family through the creation of a beautiful Requiem celebration. The Head of Performing Arts, Jarrod Schindler, along with his team, provided the gift of music that played such a significant part in John’s life. I would also like to commend our maintenance team, who were simply magnificent in managing the numerous setups and pack-ups throughout the week.
I wish to acknowledge my colleagues for the love, support and care they have provided each other. The strength of our community is truly evident in the countless acts of kindness—whether it’s a comforting word or simply being present for one another. It is a testament to the love and respect we hold for our dear colleague, John, and for each other.
Finally, I want to acknowledge our boys—your sons. They have shown extraordinary care and compassion toward my colleagues during this difficult time. Many of us have experienced their genuine concern as they checked in on our wellbeing, offered support, and recognised the challenges we were facing. This outpouring of empathy has left us with a profound sense of gratitude and affirmed our shared mission, alongside parents, to nurture young men of tenderness, kindness, and compassion. Their actions make it clear that this mission is being fulfilled in the most meaningful ways.
Matthew Hutchison
Headmaster
